if making friends as an adult is hard, try doing it disabled

We’ve all heard it before... that making friends as an adult is hard.

Well… try making friends as a disabled adult, right?

I’ve never found it particularly easy to make friends. And I’ve certainly never been part of any kind of “popular” group. But growing up, I guess circumstances just kind of handed me friendship by default.

I went to the same, small school for all 12 years, so it was kind of like I had a built-in friend group there.

In college, it was easy to be friends when we were partying a lot, pulling caffeine fuelled all-nighters, and bonding over the insanity that was film school.

I never exactly fit in, but I fit in just enough.

Adulthood, though? Whole different story.

Now everyone has jobs, partners, pets, kids, and the ever-increasing responsibilities of life.

And sure, that’s hard for everyone. But if you’re disabled, there’s a whole other layer to making and keeping friends that most people don’t see.

Non-disabled people see us bailing on plans and think we’re flaky.

But I’m bailing because my body is literally giving me no other choice, or because the “cute little spot” everyone picked out has stairs.

Or we'll list out reasons why everyone's favourite restaurant might not be accessible in the group chat, and suddenly there's a group chat without us and it's calling us 'high maintenance' or 'picky.'

And eventually we're just not even being invited anymore.

And I know, I know… most non-disabled people don’t even realize that they are excluding us because of our disabilities. Because they’ve never had to consider things like accessibility.

But somehow that makes it even… worse?

Like, it’s 2025. Accessibility and inclusivity aren’t new concepts. But when talking to non-disabled people, you’d think they were.

Let me give you an example. I joined a few local neighborhood groups thinking it might be a good way to make friends, and 99% percent of the meetups don’t even consider accessibility. Almost every post is some version of:

“Let’s grab a coffee and walk around the neighborhood!”
“Let’s go for a hike!”
“Let’s get together and play pickleball!”

Cool. Guess I’ll just… not.

And it’s not just the physical stuff.

Even non-disabled people who want to be inclusive sometimes get weird.

Either they don’t know what to say or how to act so they overcompensate.

Or they’ll just ignore me completely.

Sometimes I can literally feel people’s nervousness when they realize I’m disabled. And it’s just not fun to be around that.

So sometimes it can feel like, “why even bother trying to make friends?”

If you’re reading this and nodding, you’re definitely not alone.
I’ve heard the same thing from so many disabled people.

You watch people make plans you physically can’t join, and no one even notices.
You ask about accessibility, and suddenly the conversation goes quiet.
You realize that for others, friendship often comes with the fine print “as long as it’s convenient.”

I'm going to get real vulnerable here for a second.

Remember how I said I never found it easy to make friends? I always thought the reason was because people just didn't like me. And sure, sometimes that's true. 

But really, it’s because the world isn’t built for disabled people, and we’re always an afterthought.

And unfortunately, that doesn't end with stairs and inaccessible venues. It shows up in our relationships too.

So, when people say to me, “Making friends as an adult is hard,” I nod, but I think,
you have no idea.